Annapolis stories: Janet & Jerry Rapkin: By land and by sea

Jerry and Janet Rapkin sit at their kitchen table overlooking the waters of Lake Ogelton and hold out their hands so I can see the rings.

His is gold with a deep blue stone in it, the class ring of the Naval Academy Class of 1952. Hers looks exactly like his in miniature, except the ring is white gold and the stone a small diamond set from one of his mother's earrings. Underneath is the wedding band.

"It's curved," Jerry says, "See?" I look closer. The band is cut to dovetail with the contours of the class ring. It's a fitting ring for the marriage of a naval officer and his wife, a marriage that must be flexible enough to be wedded to the sea, to their country and to each other, even when apart.

"She was my first date at the Naval Academy," Jerry Rapkin says of his wife of 53 years, "and my last." But she was not his sweetheart until the young midshipman left the academy. "They were dates of convenience," Janet says.

Janet Vansant and Jerry Rapkin grew up one year apart in Rehoboth Beach, Del., a summer vacation spot whose population shrunk substantially during the off-season months.

Only 16 students graduated with Jerry in the high-school Class of 1947. "Everyone knew each other," Jerry says.

While Janet and Jerry hung out with the same group of friends, they really didn't date. "We were in a high school play together," Janet says. Ironically, they played husband and wife, never guessing that one day that would be their role in real life.

Their first date came about when Jerry's plebe class was first allowed to go on dates. A mutual friend suggested he call Janet, who was in her last year of high school. She came down on Saturday and left on Sunday, staying at a "drag" house on King George Street. "No sparks flew," she says.

They continued to stay in touch, connected by their tight group of Rehoboth chums. Janet went to the University of Delaware and became involved with a young man there.

Jerry met a Baltimore girl. But three weeks before his graduation, he and his girl parted ways leaving him dateless "I wasn't going to go to June Week," he says, referring to the weeklong events and parties now known as "Commissioning Week." But his friends wouldn't hear of it. "You've got to go."

A classmate at the academy who spent summers lifeguarding in Rehobeth, said, "How about Janet?"

She was now a senior at the University of Delaware. Although she was still very much involved with her guy, she figured it would be fun to come to Annapolis for the festivities.

She stayed for the week and attended the superintendent's reception, the graduation dance and the parade with Jerry. And while they enjoyed each other's company, nothing more came of the June Week dates.

Jerry's first assignment was in Norfolk while Janet began her first teaching job in Seaford, Del.

When Janet's boyfriend left for the Army, she found herself spending time with Jerry, and the dates of convenience turned into real dates. "She was captivated by the uniform," Jerry says. "I knew you well before then," Janet laughs. Jerry had a civilian pilot's license and a plane, so whenever he was free on weekends, he'd fly up to Rehoboth from Norfolk following a flight plan that went straight over Janet's house. "I used to buzz her house to let her know I was home. That was the signal."

Janet's mother told her he was starting to take her for granted. So one weekend, after Jerry buzzed her house, Janet informed him she had a date with someone else. "After that, he always called before he left."

In the summer of 1954, after dating for about a year and a half, Jerry asked Janet to marry him. A date was set for the following spring.

But as soon as the engagement was announced, the couple was faced with the realities of a Naval career. "Timing was critical," Janet said, a lesson she would learn over and over as a Navy wife. Jerry was leaving for combat information school in Glenview, Ill. in the fall and after that would be at sea.

So they changed their schedule to fit the Navy's. When she returned from Europe, Jerry gave her the "miniature" as an engagement ring and two weeks later, on Nov. 7, 1954, they were married.

There was no time for a honeymoon. Janet followed Jerry to Glenview. "Not every (Navy) wife follows her husband on every assignment," Janet says, "But I always did."

As Jerry rose through the ranks, eventually becoming commodore, they raised three children, Keith, Leigh and Paige, and lived in 16 different places over a 25-year period. Much of that time, Jerry was deployed on destroyers engaged in fighting the Cold War.

In 1964, Jerry was assigned to the USS Bainbridge as part of Operation Sea Orbit, a 'round-the-world cruise of three nuclear-powered surface ships circling the globe in 57 days without refueling. The reason for the operation was to have a United States' presence in international waters and show that the Navy had the capability to be fully self-reliant at sea.

Later, as commodore of a squadron in the Mediterranean Sea, he created confusion among the Soviets by developing a schedule for the commodore's pennant to be flown on ships in different locations across the sea. "One ship in the Western Mediterranean would fly it for three hours, then it would be lowered and a ship in the Eastern Mediterranean would fly it for the next three hours." Soviet high command would get conflicting reports about the pennant that made no sense unless the commodore was travelling at the speed of light.

While Jerry was playing cat-and-mouse with the Soviets, Janet not only had the responsibility of taking care her family, but also the families of the men serving under her husband's command. "When you're the wife of the commanding officer of a ship," Jerry explains, "you become the mother hen of the ship's company."

At their home base, Janet organized events and helped create a sense of community so that loved ones left behind wouldn't feel so lonely. She also volunteered for organizations like Navy Relief, which provided financial assistance to service families. In the 1960s and 70s, she notes, there weren't nearly the resources there are now for Navy families.

While many women find the life of a Naval officer's wife difficult, Janet adjusted quickly. As they moved around the country, she learned how to efficiently transition her family and keep herself busy. "You get used to it," she says."

Jerry quips, "If you're married to a Navy man, you're happy half the time - either happy when he's home or happy when he's gone."

After being on eight ships and serving in over two major commands, Jerry found himself assigned to the Pentagon and Naval Sea Systems Command in the Washington area. The couple settled down, buying a house in Alexandria, Va.

Then in 1979, after 27 years of service, Jerry got "an offer he couldn't refuse" from the private sector, and for the next two decades he had a successful second career in the defense industry.

When two Annapolis firms became interested in hiring him, he and Janet started thinking about moving here. They found an ad in the paper for a waterfront lot near the mouth of the Severn River. At first, they weren't impressed.

"It was overgrown and full of brush. We had to cut a path to the water," Jerry says. The lot was one of three properties they were considering and it was difficult for them to make a decision.

On their last visit to the property, two blue herons flew by and landed at their feet. "That's when we knew," Janet said. "We decided this was it."

They built their house in 1988 and love "everything" about living in Annapolis.

"There's good boating," Jerry says, "great neighbors, and a community that still has a small-town feel but (is) close to Baltimore and D.C." Janet adds that the lively art scene and two colleges add wonderful cultural offerings. "Plus," she says, "it's close to the beach."

They especially like the ability to stay involved with the Naval Academy, noting that many classmates have moved back to retire while many others touch base while visiting Annapolis for academy events. Both are still very active in the Navy community, and serve as national directors in the Navy League, a civilian organization supporting the sea services.

As Valentine's Day approaches, the Rapkins' advice for a successful marriage is simple: You've got to be able to respect and trust your partner - even when they're not there; you should like, as well as love, each other; and above all, have a sense of humor.

When asked what they might be doing for Valentine's Day, Jerry hands over a flyer for the "Sweetheart Brunch" being held by the Baltimore-DC chapter of the Naval Academy Class of 1952. "We'll probably go," Janet says.

It seems the perfect Valentine's Day celebration for a couple of sweethearts whose life with each other and the Navy has been one long and happy tour of duty.

Disclaimer: These stories are personal recollections and as such, are subject to the effects of time, memory and individual experience.

Janice Gary is an award-winning writer of creative nonfiction. She teaches memoir at Annapolis Senior Center.

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