Edgewater couple dies within days of each other

John and Mary Butkowski were inseparable, having been married almost 33 years.

They enjoyed dancing and going to casinos, traveling to Florida and out West or just going for a drive together. 

And even death couldn't keep them apart for long. Mrs. Butkowski died Sept. 20 and Mr. Butkowski followed her in the early morning hours Wednesday, four days later. She was 74 and he was 71.

"Right to their last breath they were making sure the other was OK," said Bill Byrd, Mrs. Butkowski's son. "I'm not happy about it happening, but I'm happy that they both went at the same time."

The Butkowski's met in Baltimore in the early 1970s, where Mrs. Butkowski was caring for her ailing father.

"They were together ever since," Mr. Byrd said. "I've never seen people so in love, up to their last breath. I knew John was sent from heaven to be with my mom."

They were married Dec. 11, 1975.

"I think they both needed each other," he said. "They took their roles very seriously. Mom was a good cook and housekeeper. She enjoyed doing those things for him. She took care of him and he made sure she was provided for."

Mr. Butkowski was a locksmith at the Pentagon for most of his working life, and served in the Coast Guard. Residents of Edgewater for 40 years, he and Mrs. Butkowski owned a home on the water.

He enjoyed fishing and playing the banjo. She loved to bowl, and they both loved to travel and visit casinos.

"They were devoted to one another, and they did most everything together," said Marilyn Davis, Mrs. Butkowski's sister. "He liked fishing, so she would go out on the boat with him. They were cute together."

She said they looked like "Mutt and Jeff" - Mrs. Butkowski was heavier than her husband.

"They looked like two opposites that attracted each other," she said. "That was the best thing that ever happened, she was so content."

Mrs. Butkowski had a triple bypass heart surgery in 2006 and spent a month and a half in the hospital.

"He was by her side from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. every day, just holding her hand," Mr. Byrd said.

When she got home, she had to carry oxygen tanks wherever she went. They couldn't travel as much anymore, though they still enjoyed a couple trips to play the slots in Delaware.

Family members said they don't know for sure when Mr. Butkowski learned he had cancer; he didn't tell anyone until last June.

"He did not want (Mrs. Butkowski) to know or to worry," Mr. Byrd said.

When he finally told her, she was "very upset."

"She kept saying, 'What am I going to do without him?' " Mr. Byrd said.

When Mr. Butkowski went to the hospital and then Heritage Harbour Health and Rehabilitation Center, he never stopped asking about his wife.

"That's all he'd ask when we went in there: 'Where's my bride and who is with her,' " Mr. Byrd said.

When Mrs. Butkowski realized her husband wasn't coming home, she gave up on life, her son said.

"I think she realized that John was going to keep struggling until she went on," Mr. Byrd said.

"She kept saying 'Its just too much for him. I can't take it anymore. I want to die because it's too much for him. I think she just willed herself to die," Mrs. Davis said.

Mrs. Butkowski stopped eating; a week later she died of kidney failure and a heart attack, her children said.

Mr. Butkowski attended his wife's funeral home viewing Tuesday, then died at about 1 a.m. Wednesday.

"As soon as he found out (about his wife's death) you could see that his will had gone," Mr. Byrd said. "You could almost see the will come right out of his body."

"I don't understand all that life-after-death stuff, but this wasn't a coincidence. I think she just reached in there and grabbed him and said 'OK, let's go,' and he went."

Mr. Butkowski's funeral was held Thursday, a day after his wife's.

Mr. and Mrs. Butkowski were buried together in Lakemont Memorial Gardens.

"I'm so glad they were only apart a few days," Mr. Byrd said.