Saturday, November 21, 2009
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Death penalty study's results are preordained

Published 03/28/08

News from the future: On Dec. 15 of this year, the Maryland Commission on Capital Punishment will find that the death penalty in this state is fairly administered and fully justified.

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This news will be pushed off the front page by Osama bin Laden's latest videotape, which will conclude with the al-Qaida leader singing a passable version of Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the U.S.A." President-elect Ralph Nader will welcome this news - adding a warning for Americans to watch out for the droppings from large flocks of flying pigs.

The events in the second paragraph are just as likely as the events in the first.

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