MRE claims victory in 'Slaughter Across the Water'

The Maritime Republic of Eastport won its annual assertion of supremacy yesterday by the only measure that matters: cold, hard victory in the epic tug-of-war contest.

Sure, the fun-loving members of the satirical Eastport democracy have anecdotal evidence of superiority: more eccentric parties, higher beer-per-capita consumption, their own Declaration of Independence (from "Annapolis Proper"), and an 8-2-1 record against Annapolis in the "Slaughter Across the Water" series.

But those two losses burned scars into the society's ego, and they were wont to let another loss slip away into Annapolis Harbor, giving even a whiff of power to the "oppressors." And thus, the ever-in-character and ever-tongue-in-cheek competitors from the MRE pulled and tugged to their ninth victory of the 12-year series.

As one competitor put it: "The important thing is that it matters to us."

The specially designed rope, more than a third of a mile long, was draped across the Gulf of Eastport (Spa Creek), kept afloat by a buoy. About 30 Annapolitans braced for victory on one side, and on the other about 30 Eastport-O-Ricans, as they call themselves, poised to tug their way to bragging rights.

Bullhorn in hand, Mark Travaglini rallied the MRE tuggers lined up on either side of the black and yellow braid that snaked up Second Street into a raucous party of their cheerleaders.

"Get ready. Get low. Get fast. BE STRONG!" Travaglini yelled as the tuggers from the Eastport Business Association began to slowly pull the team from the Annapolis Downtown Partnership toward the water. Moments earlier, Travaglini was explaining the basics of the competition, shouting over the live band in the background.

"They are the oppressors and we are the liberators," said Travaglini, part of MRE's revolutionary council. "We picked the method of the battle. We are a peaceful people and this is our sport of choice. We do not raise our kids to play baseball or football. When our kids are old enough, they get a piece of rope and they go out in the backyard to learn to tug."

The series has raised nearly $200,000 for charities since its first year in 1998. This year's proceeds will go to the SPCA of Anne Arundel County, the Civil Air Patrol, a reading program at Eastport Elementary School, the Colonial Nursery School Community Playground and the Light House shelter. MRE Premier Megan Jones, a bit distracted by locks missing from the MRE storage sheds, could not estimate the total raised by this year's event.

Each year the war begins promptly at "the crack of noon." Six separate tugs are divided into rounds, including one matchup, "Guns and Hoses," between Annapolis police officers and Eastport firefighters, and another between Eastport and Annapolis business groups.

"They're investment bankers," one tugger trash-talked from the Eastport side. "They've taken enough from us! They can't do this in business shoes! They'll trip over their ties."

MRE's 5-1 victory was made no less sweet by the pathetic showing of its opponent, which had so few volunteers that MRE lent its very own minister of war, Jan Cort, to help organize and motivate the Annapolis teams. The only victory for the Annapolis side was provided by the team from Stan & Joe's Saloon.

Cort attributed the decidedly less festive and less enthusiastic atmosphere at City Dock to the city's prohibition of food and liquor sales at Susan B. Campbell Park. The revelers on the Eastport side had alcohol, a moon-bounce castle, several food vendors and a rock 'n' roll band. Annapolis had bagpipes, folk music and face painting.

Both sides had disc jockeys from WRNR, but those on the Annapolis side proclaimed, "Ready to lose again?" before the last round. Then one added, in a clear taunt to Eastport, "We're coming over to your side to party, and we're bringing toilet paper!"

Amid the contest, a dazed family stood atop the Spa Creek Bridge, trying to find the source of all the raucous noise.

"Looking for the Eastport side?" a stranger asked them. "The fun side? Follow us!"

The annual "Slaughter Across the Water" begins with a formal proclamation of war read before the Annapolis City Council. The MRE began the challenge only months after its inception in 1998, when a group of Eastport residents declared they were seceding from Annapolis as a form of protest and community solidarity in face of plans to close the Spa Creek Bridge for construction. The MRE, whose mottoes are "Up the Republic" and "We Like It This Way," holds three charity events a year, including the .05K footrace that takes about 35 seconds to complete.

The fact that Annapolitans seem to approach the event with much less enthusiasm than their Eastport counterparts only strengthens MRE's resolve. After all, they consider Annapolis the poodle to Eastport's Labrador, the wing tips to their flip-flops.

"This is hard work," exhaled Eastport resident M.B. Hughes after she successfully cheered MRE to a tug supremacy. "We left our beer up there. We thought it was a Chug of War."

She and Brian Alfano stayed up late last night constructing cheerleading sweaters made of felt and MRE's logo. Why, exactly, go to so much trouble?

"We succeeded. Why not?" Alfano said.

"Because we like it that it way," Hughes added.