Senior moments: A wrinkle in time? No encouragement from youth-obsessed culture By Jackie Byrd
A column for seniors and those who love them
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There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to really think about it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. - Anonymous
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Are you comfortable with the fact of growing older? Certainly you get no encouragement from the youth-obsessed culture in which we live.
Society clearly does not value the wrinkled and gray appearance of the aging, one evidence of which is the burgeoning growth of the plastic surgery industry. Another example is the frequent age-discrimination cases filed by various TV news journalists over the age of 40. Don't forget about the very smart PR person for the party industry who came up with the idea of black balloons and Over the Hill merchandise for birthday parties teasing people turning 40 or 50. In the midst of all that, how can we face, with courage, grace and dignity, the truth that we are aging?
In fact, maybe it won't be the government that's ultimately going to be "Big Brother," but AARP, the organization with probably the biggest database known to mankind. No matter who has a 50th birthday, they can expect their AARP invitation in the mail. The decades beyond the age of 40, the AARP letter, the black balloons - it's no wonder people hate the idea of growing older. Lots of beautiful, talented and gifted individuals are overcome by anxiety, dread and depression at the thought.
Why would that be? Because, in our society, aging is usually viewed as decline. Aging isn't perceived as someone becoming wiser, more experienced and capable, but as becoming weaker, slower and sicker. True, sometimes it really is decline, with short-term memory loss, osteoporosis causing broken bones, varieties of senility, talking and moving slower. However, decline may, in fact, happen at any age - illness and accidents can humble the strongest youngster.
One theory has been advanced by Abigail Trafford, writing in the column My Time in the Washington Post: "The problem stems from society's focus on the physical appearance of aging rather than the experience of living longer. Growing old is reduced to a biological happening rather than a narrative of growth and development." Yes!
It's clear that AARP is not doing enough of a PR job for its aging members. They should bring focus and attention to the elder's wisdom, to a "narrative of growth and development" and to the elder's remaining potential to contribute positively to society. I have been thinking about this a lot, because I am sometimes a bit mystified when friends demonstrate significant angst over growing older.
My dad, among the most wonderful of men, died suddenly at the age of 56. He did not have the privilege of growing old. I was 56 in the year 1999. If I had died early in that year, I would have missed the birth of beautiful triplets - my grandchildren. I couldn't have taken the bar exam that I passed that year. I couldn't have been sworn in by the Maryland Court of Appeals as a bona fide attorney. I would have missed the turn of the century, and all the Y2K hoopla. I wouldn't have started this column in 2001.
You see, I want to grow older. I embrace that possibility and the ensuing privileges. My dad never experienced the wedding of his beautiful granddaughter, nor her graduation from college. He never played with his wonderful grandson after he was 2 years old. He didn't get to enjoy the frequent accomplishments of his talented wife, nor see the Bowie church he started grow to more than 1,100 people.
Experience is the greatest teacher there is. The older we are, the more often we have learned how to do things right by doing them wrong at least once. Because we are older, we have perspective. We are able to more clearly identify which things matter, and which things don't. We don't lose a night's sleep over one bad haircut. We are more comfortable in our skin. We don't care as much what other people think.
I happily anticipate the aging of the baby boomers. I believe their experiences will finally move our culture toward recognizing and applauding the value of its older members. The boomers will take on society's defective mindset regarding growing older, and will leave it changed. Will you join me in being pleased to be able to grow older?
I hope to attend my grandchildren's graduations and weddings. I hope to do it even if I am the only one alive who is proud of me in my dotage! I hope to do it even if I am the only one who knows that I am a person of value, regardless of my physical appearance. I hope to do it even if I am the only one who is still looking at my life as though there is potential for growth and development.
Thank you for reading. Stay well. See you next week.
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The writer, a longtime resident of Bowie, is secretary of the Maryland/D.C. chapter of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys and a member of the Elder Law Section of the Maryland State Bar Association. You can e-mail her at jbyrd@byrdandbyrd.com.
